Playing Both Sides
by Raye Rivers
Summary: Zoro has never been considered normal in any sense, but after a threat from Sanji, the crew sees just how odd their first mate truly is. Takes place beginning in Thriller Bark after Zoro's sacrifice. Main pairing is SanZo (Zoro is always uke in my stories) but will include more pairings with Zoro. Long list of characters for the story. One Piece is the possession of Eiichiro Oda.
1. Abnormality

**Abnormality**

Sanji groans, his ears ringing as he slowly returns to reality. They're lucky the Ursus Shock had done only that. Had it been just a little bigger, not one of them would still be breathing. The Straw Hats and the Lola Pirates lie scattered through the rubble like discarded dolls. Unconscious bodies litter his field of vision. By some miracle, they're all still here.

"…. right…. not like Franky…. Doctor Vegapunk…." comes the Tyrant's voice, sounding like a soft but threatening echo.

"So there's no possible way to beat you," he hears the shitty swordsman reply, a distinct strain in his voice. "Great. Fucking great."

Sanji sits bolt upright and whips around. His blue eyes instantly lock on the mechanical mountain of a man. The marimo looks like no more than an ant by comparison. Just one meaningful step forward and it'll be all over. What the hell is this idiot doing? He can't be thinking of taking on a Warlord on his own, the suicidal bastard.

The swordsman's chest deflates with a heavy sigh. "Fine, Kuma. Do as you must," he says, "but I'll allow you only _one_ head."

Before Kuma can voice Sanji's bewildered thoughts, Zoro firmly plants his hands to the ground and lowers his head, his shoulders hunched and his defenses lowered. The cook stares at his crewmate in shock. Roronoa Zoro, the demon swordsman, the man whose very name incites fear in the hearts of even the strongest pirates, bows down at Kuma's feet, humbling himself in the man's presence.

Zoro raises his face and says, "In exchange for Luffy's life, I offer you mine. Take my head in place of his."

Sanji's heart drops to his stomach at his rival's declaration. He isn't serious. This can't be happening. His body reacts outside his conscious, his arms and legs pushing him up. "Hold it, you damn idiot!" the cook barks as he staggers over to them.

"Y…. You…." Zoro breathes out, gaping at him.

Sanji feels Zoro's eyes follow as he moves to stand before Kuma, effectively shielding his vulnerable crewmate from the Tyrant's empty stare as best he can. He clenches his hands in his pockets. His body won't stop trembling. He only hopes that Kuma doesn't notice. Putting on the bravest face he can muster, he says, "Rather than this shitty swordsman, take _my_ head." The first mate's icy stare burns holes into the back of Sanji's skull, but he ignores him. His own haggard breathing is foreign to his ears, but he can't back down. He cannot let this idiot go through with this.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, shitty cook?" Zoro shouts.

"Shut the fuck up!" Sanji retorts, keeping his eyes on the Warlord. "The crew needs you, idiot! _Luffy_ needs you!"

Instantly, the moss-head falls silent. Sanji fights down his victorious smirk. Zoro won't win this. He's Luffy's first mate and best friend, the very heart of the Straw Hats. Without him, the crew will fall apart. There are more than enough chefs across the Grand Line, but Zoro is irreplaceable.

"Hey, shitty marimo," Sanji says, fighting to keep his voice steady, "sorry about this but tell…. tell the crew they'll need to find a new cook."

Fire shoots up his side, his ribs alight with a massive wave of pain. Sanji stumbles sideways and grits his teeth. White light erupts behind his eyes, and he firmly plants his feet to the ground to keep from falling over. His fight-or-flight instincts kick into overdrive, and he pivots, grabbing the swordsman's shoulder with a deep snarl as the black sword lowers. Zoro's eyes bury him in their forests, his eyes expressionless. "You shitty selfish bastard!" the cook manages between gasps and pants. "Zoro!"

His fingers release as his legs give way, the weight of his body bringing him to the ground, Zoro's unyielding body snapping to black. "Don't die, you damn idiot!" Sanji pleads, though the words never reach his mouth. Tears stream from his eyes, and he clutches the dirt in his fist. "Zoro, please! Please don't die!"

"—ffy, you liar!" are the first words he hears as the cook regains consciousness. _Usopp,_ his muggy brain registers.

"Perhaps his natural adrenaline cancelled out the pain, giving him this high," a second voice says.

 _Robin-chan._ Their voices sound so clear, blending with the rest of the crew's.

Sanji's eyes shoot open and expand, and he sits bolt upright, staring around as his chest heaves. Luffy's loud laughter snaps him to attention, and he turns to see his captain jumping up and down amidst the crew gathered around him. The absence of their greenet crewmate sends a nasty feeling to the pit of his belly. The cook again looks around but sees neither hide nor hair of the man even among the awakening Lola Pirates. Where the hell can that fool have gone?

A sliver of red flashes across his sight with one last swivel of his head, and Sanji freezes. Lying on a large slab of rubble are three katana nestled safely in their saya: Shuusui, the newest addition in black, Sandai Kitetsu in red, and Wado Ichimonji in white. Sanji doesn't know when he'd stood, but everything in him rises up at once. Energy floods his limbs as he runs off in the opposite direction, his legs cycling as he gains speed. Something is deathly wrong. No matter the situation, regardless how dire or hopeless, the marimo would never discard his katana. They're his most treasured possessions, his constant companions. Dammit, he'd better be alive. "Where are you, you idiot?" Sanji says. "Where the hell are y—"

He stops, looking to his left. "There he is," he says.

The first mate stands like an unmoved wall some distance away. The tattered single strap of his ruined white shirt—the thing was in one piece the last time he saw him—clings to his right shoulder. Whatever went on last night must've been one hell of a fight. Sanji breathes a sigh of relief and slides down a large slab. "What the hell do you think you're playing at, huh?" he snaps, shoving his hands into his pockets as he comes over, scanning the surroundings. "And where'd that damn Warlord go?"

No answer. Growing even more annoyed, the cook levels his glare on the swordsman, but his words catch in his throat at the sight of him. Blood drips like water from his head and torso, his arms folded across his rock-solid chest. His shirt looks as though it's been sliced open. Half of it is completely gone. The swordsman's other rigid frame trembles and quakes, as though it's taking all his energy just to stay standing.

Sanji's eyes widen in horror. "What's with all this blood?" he shouts. "Hey, are you still alive? Where is that guy?" A loud squelch seeps from under his foot, and he looks down to see the most gigantic pool of blood he's ever seen. The thick red substance covers the surrounding rubble like a grotesque painting. This can't all be Zoro's! It's impossible! "What happened here?" Sanji barks.

A wet groan escapes Zoro's lips, drawing the cook's attention.

"Huh?" the cook demands.

"No…. Nothing…. Got it?" Zoro replies.

Sanji watches as Zoro's body at last gives out. His head bounces off the ground before the rest of him follows, the swordsman lying immobile and prostrate at his feet. Strength he never knew he possessed pours through every inch of him, his legs running faster than they ever have before as he carries his fallen crewmate to the others. He barely registers Chopper's shrill commands as his body automatically obeys. They can't let him. He absolutely has to pull through. Zoro is the heart and soul of this crew, Luffy's first mate and their senior. They cannot, under any circumstances, lose him.

Sanji paces back and forth just outside the lab, going through his cigarettes like candy. Every hour feels like a day. He swears time stops at least twice. Everything feels so surreal. After such a hard-fought and even harder-won battle like this, they'd all be partying and celebrating their victory. But now, here they are, having to piece their strongest comrade—the cook will be damned if he ever admits that out loud—back together like a puzzle. Sanji closes his eyes and sinks to his knees. "Please," he begs to any higher power who will hear him. "Please let his damn idiot make it."

Chopper works feverishly to stabilize the swordsman, struggling to keep back his tears. His arms and hooves ache with his mounting effort to stop the bleeding. With everything they've been through, all that they've fought for, never has Zoro been in this bad a condition. It's been well over six hours, and the swordsman has shown not the slightest sign of recovery. He hasn't twitched even once since he's been here. But he can't let himself give up. Zoro never does, no matter how bad things seem.

"You'll make it, Zoro. I just know you will," Chopper says, more to himself than to the first mate. He needs to at least keep up his own motivation. The crew views him as nothing less than a miracle worker, and he cannot afford to fail them.

Chopper secures the last of the stitches and staples and wipes the sweat from his brow with a furry arm. Being careful not to hit Zoro in the face with his antlers, the little doctor presses his ear to his unconscious patient's chest, just barely making out a heartbeat. At least he knows the swordsman is alive. This entire day has been nothing less than grueling. The sound of Sanji's footsteps had been the only thing to keep him company outside the swordsman's faint breathing, but the steady pacing has long since faded out. Sanji must be downstairs with the others by now. Chopper can hardly blame him.

The entire crew, even Luffy, has been eerily quiet since Zoro was brought in. And why not? It's normal to see Zoro injured, certainly, but not like this, not covered from head to toe in blood and unable even to stand. "What happened to you?" the doctor asks for what feels like the millionth time today.

Giving Zoro's vital signs one last check-up, Chopper climbs down from the high stool next to the operation table and crosses the room, standing on his toes to open the door. Stepping out into the hallway, he's greeted with soft snoring. He turns and blinks in surprise at the sight of Sanji asleep against the wall. With the stiffness of his body, it's apparent he's been there a while, a couple hours at least. The little doctor smiles. Luffy can be such a sensitive guy sometimes.

He goes over to the cook and gently shakes his shoulder. Sanji snorts and opens his eyes, stretching as he rocks his neck. "Dammit, I fell asleep," he mutters, then turns. "Chopper? When did you get out here?"

"Just a couple minutes ago."

"How…. How is he?"

"Still unconscious." The doctor sighs and shakes his head. "I've done everything I can for him. All we can do now is wait."

He sees the cook almost instantly deflate. Chopper tightly grips the brim of his hat as his tears at last spill over. He knows it's not at all the news Sanji wants to hear, but there's nothing else to be done about it. "I'm sorry, Sanji…." he sniffles.

The cook rests a hand on Chopper's head, and the doctor looks up to see the pained smile on his face. "Don't apologize, Chopper," he says gently. "Besides, you're the Straw Hat doctor. There's nothing you can't do."

Chopper sniffs hard and wipes away his tears, unable to keep himself from smiling in return, his body instinctively wiggling as he claps and dances. "That doesn't make me happy, you jackass!" he declares.

A/N: Hi, everyone, just me here. This is my first dip into One Piece fanfiction so please give any and all criticism you find needed.


	2. The Rift Widens

**A/N: Hi, all, here to wish you a Merry Christmas Eve! Here's chapter 2.**

 **~SZSZSZSZ~**

 **The Rift Widens**

The party rages through the castle's ruined first floor. With Chopper's confirmation that the swordsman is still with them, the mood is a ton lighter than it was at the outset. Everyone can finally kick back and relax for a while. It gives Sanji a bit of renewed hope to see Luffy back to his chipper old self, dancing with Franky and Usopp to Brooke's piano music while the chef busies himself serving the food.

Chopper and Zoro are still nowhere to be seen, but Sanji does his damnedest not to let himself worry. Having gotten the full story from the Risky Brothers about the swordsman's ordeal, he's running on a near empty tank as it is. Being agitated won't do him or anyone else a lick of good. It looks so easy to just lose himself to the festivities, but he can't shake the sinking feeling in his heart. Yeah, Zoro's still alive but for how long, is the question. Despite his best efforts, the cook can't forget the sight of that blood. He'd have never thought one body could hold so much of it. The agnostic atheist can deny it all he wants, but there's definitely a goddess watching over his stupid ass.

His arms pause their lifting as the room suddenly goes silent, broken only by the sounds of loud sobbing and running hooves. Sanji sets the trays back down on the counter and steps out of the kitchen to see Chopper tumbling and tripping over himself as he at last reaches the foot of the stairs. Luffy reaches their doctor first. "Chopper, what happened?" he demands, crouching to grip the reindeer's shoulders. "Is it Zoro? Is he dead?"

Sanji watches his own heel come down on Luffy's head alongside Franky's fist and Nami's Clima-Tact. Like the little guy isn't already stressed enough! Jumping to conclusions, especially that one, will only make it that much worse. Even a doctor doesn't want that kind of news. While the sniper and the navigator are busy screaming new ears into Luffy's skull—Nami-swan is so beautiful when she's enraged—Sanji looks at the still sobbing little doctor and says, "What's up with the marimo?"

Chopper hiccups twice, then opens his mouth wide and wails, "Zoro! Zoro is! Zoro's awake!"

The cigarette falls from Sanji's parted lips to the floor, Luffy lifting his head not even an instant later. Without even looking back, Luffy scrambles to his feet, leapfrogs Chopper, and tears off for the staircase, Sanji and the rest right on his heels. The doctor's cries are barely heard over the stampede as they run en masse to the room where Zoro's been kept. This deus ex machina shit is only supposed to happen in stories, but after this painful a wait, they're ready to believe anything is possible.

Barely have Luffy's fingers wrapped twice around the knob when Chopper grabs the back hem of his red vest in his hooves. "Luffy, wait!" he protests. Sanji blinks in shock. How had he wiggled his way past everyone?

"What, Chopper?" Luffy barks as he rounds on the doctor. "He's awake now, right? That means we can see him!"

"Usually, yes, but this time—"

"Wait, I know!" Usopp pipes up, getting everyone's attention. "He's probably bummed out because he's missing all the fun!"

"That's right! We should cheer him up!" Luffy agrees, his previous anger forgotten as his trademark grin stretches across his face.

"Yohohoho! Then, I shall put my heart into the playing the liveliest of tunes just for him! Ah but I have no heart now. Yohohoho!" Brooke says as he cues up his violin with "Binks's Sake."

The hallway soon erupts with noise as each person gives their own idea of how best to lighten up the first mate's mood. From the side of his eye, Sanji notices Chopper trembling, his wrists pushed outward as he pulls in his hooves. It dawns on him too late. Chopper morphs to his Heavy Point with an almighty, "Will you shut the hell up?"

The crowd instantly falls still. Not a peep escapes under the reindeer's intense glare. Luffy looks as though he's just swallowed his tongue. The doctor returns to Brain Point and tugs down the brim of his hat over his eyes to calm himself. "I was trying to tell you," he says with an exasperated sigh, "that yes, Zoro is awake, but he can't handle any sort of loud noises."

"Huh? Why not?" Luffy balks.

"Whatever internal pressure he underwent put too much strain on his ears. The drums didn't fully burst until after he collapsed."

Luffy blinks.

Chopper again sighs. "In other words, any loud noises might instantly make him go deaf."

The idiot captain claps both hands over his mouth, just realizing his mistake.

"The most I can do is let you all see him from the door today," Chopper goes on.

Everyone nods, and Luffy at last opens the door. The swordsman sits up and back against the pillows tucked behind him, his hands resting sloppily on his stomach. Bandages cover his torso and wrap around his skull, covering his ears. His eyes stare lifelessly into the distance. A collective sigh of relief passes through all gathered there. He's alive, and here's the proof right here in front of them. It's the first true breath of fresh air they've had in days.

"That's enough now," Chopper says softly, shooing everyone from the doorway. "He needs to rest."

Once they've all the chance to at least glimpse the first mate, the pirates disperse, returning to their earlier festivities. Chopper quietly closes the door behind him and heads to the swordsman's bedside. "Sorry about that, Zoro," he says as he climbs up onto the chair.

" 'S fine," the green-haired man replies.

"Do you have a headache? What about your ears?"

" 'M fine."

Chopper nods and plops down in his seat. Even with how close he is to Zoro, with him in this condition, it's difficult to have even their funny small conversations. "Sorry, Chops," he hears him say and lifts his watery brown eyes to meet the swordsman's sunset-kissed meadows.

"Zoro…."

"When will they heal, do you think?"

Chopper sniffles and shakes his head, refusing to let himself cry in front of him. The last thing Zoro needs is more stress. His body's already been pushed well beyond its limits, and the doctor will be damned if he makes it any worse. "It's too soon to tell right now," he admits regretfully. "I wish I could say for sure."

Zoro's lips curve into a small. "Don't beat yourself up over it," he says, shakily reaching out and patting the top of the little doctor's big hat. "I know you won't let me down."

Chopper puts on his best toughie face and gives a stern nod.

Zoro chuckles lightly, then sits back against the pillows with a sigh, his hand falling limp at his side. "Mind if I sleep a bit more, Chops? I can't keep my eyes open much longer."

The little reindeer again nods and helps to rearrange Zoro on the bed until he's comfortable, then pulls up the blankets. "You'll get better in no time, Zoro," he says, rubbing the swordsman's back with his hooves. "I guarantee it."

"You don't have to keep telling me that," Zoro grumbles through a yawn. "I already know that."

Chopper beams.

~SZSZSZSZ~

After serving a dozen or so more trays of food to his riotously jubilant crewmates and their new friends, Sanji lights up yet another cigarette and returns to the kitchen. He can't remember the last time his heart felt so light. The shitty bastard is still here and finally on the mend. After a near eternity of waiting for any sort of change, this is the best news any of them could've asked for.

The cook drums his fingers on the counter. He should make something easy for the idiot. With how fucked up his stomach undoubtedly is, a soup of some kind would be best, something wholesome but easy to digest. Zoro looks like death, but good food will do more than help with that. Collecting more of the ingredients he'd brought over from the Sunny, Sanji sets to work. Once the dish is brought to simmering, savory perfection, he doles a good helping of it into a large bowl and brings it upstairs, weaving through the hall until he returns to the recovery room.

He knocks twice on the door and is almost instantly admitted inside as Chopper opens the door, still swinging off the knob as it throws wide. "Oh, hi, Sanji! Bye, Sanji!" the doctor says in a hurried whisper as he scoots past him and out of the room. Sanji blinks twice and cranes his neck backwards, watching Chopper's two-footed gallop down the hall towards the staircase. The little guy must've been just on his way out when Sanji arrived. Explains why he'd gotten in so quickly. He hadn't even scolded him about his cigarette.

Turning to the bed, the cook spots Zoro lying on his side beneath the covers, his back facing the door. Before he can open his mouth, the swordsman says, "What, shit-cook?"

Typical. The marimo hasn't even been awake for half a day, and already, he's being a colossal dick. "Brought you some soup. Better eat it while it's h—"

"Don't want it," Zoro replies flatly.

Sanji stumbles but maintains his grip on the bowl. "What?" he says. He can't have heard him right. After Luffy, Zoro is the first to be eating while he's recovering.

"Don't want it. It probably tastes like shit anyway."

"You haven't even tried it yet," Sanji retorts, struggling to keep his voice from escalating. "I worked hard to make this just for you. Just hurry up and eat it already."

Silence.

Sanji's leg twitches badly, but he fights down the urge to kick the jackass greenet in the skull. "I know you're not sleeping, you bastard."

"No shit, dumbass. I was until you showed up."

"Marimo. Eat."

"No."

"I said, eat."

"And I said, no."

"Goddammit, you shitty kelp-head. You'd damn well better eat or I will make you fucking eat."

"I don't want it, Swirl Brow. Now, shut up and get lost. I'm trying to sleep here."

Sanji's free hand clenches at his side, his teeth clamping shut around the butt of his cig. "Fine! Fine, you shitty bastard! Fuck you!" he snarls, his voice echoing off the stone walls. "Here I am, slaving away to help your stupid ass, and _this_ is how you fucking thank me? Fine, then! Next time you need food, don't expect me to cook for your ungrateful ass!"

Sanji turns on his heel and marches off, not even noticing the horrorstruck doctor staring after him as he passes.

~SZSZSZSZ~

Robin sips her coffee as she watches Sanji sidelong. Their chef seems much more tense and agitated than he had been when he'd left, and there's only one person she knows who can aggravate him so badly. Hearing what had been done to the swordsman in the first place is enough to make anyone's blood pressure high, but this has the slightest, obvious undertone of anger to it. Something is certainly out of place.

Waiting until the chef returns to the kitchen, the archaeologist finishes off her coffee, excuses herself from the table, and ascends the staircase, surprised to see Zoro's bedroom door wide open. This already does not bode well. Chopper's soft sniffling greets her as she draws closer, and Robin peeks inside to see the little reindeer just finishing changing Zoro's bandages around his head. "Chopper," she says softly, closing the door behind her as she steps into the room.

Chopper turns and furiously wipes away his tears while Zoro makes himself comfortable against his pillow pile. "Hi, Robin," the doctor says with a loud sniff.

With a frown, Robin sits down on the chair and folds her arms over her knees. She hates to see the little guy so upset like this. These tears greatly surpass mere physician's stress. "What happened here, Chopper?" she asks gently.

"Sanji stopped by earlier," Chopper bites out. "I don't know what all was said because I was getting extra bandages and gauze for after Zoro woke up, but when I came back inside, I heard Sanji shouting and yelling at him!"

"Shouting?" Robin ponders. "We didn't hear anything downstairs."

"This room is soundproof," Zoro cuts in before Chopper can answer. "Chopper figured this was the best place for me."

"Ah, I see," the archaeologist says with a nod. "So the only one to be affected would be anyone present in the room."

Zoro only nods, staring a hole into that same spot in the opposite wall.

Robin returns her gaze to Chopper and says, "How bad is the damage now?"

Chopper grits his teeth. "His eardrums didn't burst again, but it was too damn close!" he says in a harsh whisper.

"What on Earth happened?" Robin asks as she looks between them.

Zoro shrugs one shoulder, more a cringe than anything else. "The shit-cook came with food before, I didn't want it right then because I was too tired, and he oh so lovingly told me that he's no intention of ever feeding me again."

The other two stare open-mouthed at him. "He can't possibly be serious," Robin says incredulously. "It must've been a spur of the moment situation. Sanji would never deny anyone food."

"Yeah, well, first time for everything."

Chopper slowly shakes his head. "Zoro…. you'll die if you don't eat something!" he whispers urgently. "You can't just go without eating!"

"I know that, Chops," the swordsman replies. Robin notices his gaze just a couple centimeters off as he looks at the doctor. "I'll manage somehow."

"But…. B-But…"

Robin taps her chin. "I think I have a solution."

"Like what?" Chopper says, looking up at her.

Zoro lifts his eyes to her and smirks. "Robin, you are awful," he says, just resisting the urge to chuckle.

Robin smiles and waves over her shoulder as she heads to the door. "You do me much honor, Zoro," she replies.

Chopper blinks, looking between them in confusion. Zoro smiles and again pats the top of his hat. "Don't worry. She's got it figured out," the swordsman assures.

The little doctor looks after the archaeologist uncertainly. "Well…. if you're sure," he says.

"I am, Chops," Zoro replies. "She'll get it done."

Robin giggles.

 **~SZSZSZSZ~**

 **A/N: I know Sanji is OOC in this chapter, but for the purpose of his reacting to pent-up stress. Not to worry, he'll be more true to form in coming chapters.**


	3. Backup Plan

**A/N: Greetings and salutations, everyone! I apologize for the hiatus. The holidays were busy, and school followed not long after. So, without further ado, I present to you chapter three. I own no part of One Piece. Happy reading!**

 **~SZSZSZSZ~**

 **Backup Plan**

"Ah, my sweet, sweet Robin-chan! Your angelic presence radiates within this lowly hovel!" Sanji all but swoons as the archaeologist enters the kitchen.

Robin politely smiles. The insistent fawning would be almost endearing, were she the least bit interested in the chef. "You're too kind, Sanji," she says. "I have a favor to ask."

"Of course, my sweet, anything! Coffee? Dessert? My undying love and devotion?" he says, hearts bursting from his eyes.

"I'm here on Chopper's behalf, actually."

"Oh?" The hopeful hearts almost instantly diminish.

"Our doctor has been awfully stressed today. I fear he's lost track of the time."

Sanji looks at the clock. She's right. It's well past lunchtime, and there's been no sign of Chopper since he'd visited Zoro earlier.

"I believe a milk risotto or the like would be best," Robin continues, "something easy for him to digest."

"Right away, Robin-chan!" Sanji replies energetically, then instantly sets to work.

Taking a seat at a nearby table, Robin watches the chef at his task, noting the tensity in his limbs. There's no hint of his usual grace as he moves about the kitchen. His motions are jerky and uneven, although, if the rich, heavenly smell emanating from the pot is anything to go by, not an ounce of his skill has diminished. Cooking appears no more than a distracting for him. Robin knows she may not be the best at gauging others' emotions—that's more Zoro's thing—but the signs of guilt, no matter how subtle, are unmistakable. A knowing smile tugs the corners of her mouth, but she fights it down. No sense glorying in a comrade's misery.

Sanji is soon at her side with a large, well done platter in one hand and a beautified plate in the other. Of course he would prepare something for her without even being asked. Robin smiles and rises from her chair, taking the pair from Sanji's hands. "Thank you," she says with a nod.

"You're welcome," Sanji says, clearly a bit out of it. He hasn't even begun trying to talk her out of carrying the food. "Uh, Robin-chan, about the shi—Zoro, I mean. Did he ask for anything to eat?"

"No, he's still asleep at the moment. I'm not certain he'll be hungry when he wakes."

"Ah…. I see."

Robin again smiles. At least he's a bit concerned about him. "Thank you, Sanji dear," she says. "I truly appreciate this."

All coherent thoughts and speech dissolve before her eyes as Sanji nearly collapses in a fit of meaningless praises. She's never seen a man so easily won over. Even Franky has at least a sliver of fortitude. Robin helplessly rolls her eyes, then steps from the kitchen and ascends the staircase.

The door is still open as she returns to find Chopper yet again fussing over Zoro. The swordsman closes his eyes and gives a tired but fond smile. The contagious expression makes Robin's own mouth upturn as she watches them. His patience with the little doctor never ceases to amaze her.

The pair turn as she clears her throat, and Chopper beams as he climbs off the chair and runs to her. "Robin, you did it!" he says in an excited whisper. "Whoa! This is a ton of food!"

"It didn't take much persuading," Robin assures, coming over to the bed and sitting in the chair while Chopper secures the door.

Zoro snorts. "Of course not. You're a woman, remember? That idiot will eat himself alive if you tell him to."

Robin giggles and sets down the plate on Zoro's lap. "This is for you," she says.

Zoro blinks in surprise. "Uh, you sure you wanna do this?" he says.

"Why wouldn't I be?" she says as Chopper pushes up a stool beside her.

"You know he'll be pissed when he comes up here," he warns.

"I highly doubt he'll do anything as long as I'm present." Robin smiles dangerously. "He isn't that foolish."

Zoro visibly shudders but says nothing more, lifting the thoughtfully included spoon and starting to eat. Chopper climbs up and plops down on the stool's soft cushion while Robin feeds him from the platter. "Mmm! This is so good!" the doctor says.

"Of course it is," Zoro says off-handedly. "'S Sanji's food."

Chopper and Robin gape at him. In all their time of knowing him, never once has Zoro complimented Sanji's cooking. His injuries must have knocked a few screws loose. Feeling their eyes on him, Zoro turns, swallowing the food in his mouth, and says, "What?"

"Nothing, nothing," they chorus, shaking their heads.

Zoro shrugs and pops another spoonful into his mouth. Their meal continues in relative silence, broken only by Chopper's occasional bouts of cuteness and continual fussing. Suddenly, the swordsman's eyes dart towards the door, the full spoon pausing between his parted lips. Robin looks up. "Zoro?" she says worriedly.

Zoro closes his eyes and returns the spoon to his plate, sighing heavily. "He's here," he mutters.

Panic blossoms across Chopper's face. "Oh no! Oh no! What should we do?"

"Just let him come in," Zoro says. "There's no point in telling him to leave."

"B-But Zoro—" Chopper begins, but the swordsman cuts him.

"Don't make him wait, Chops," Zoro says, then smiles and gently rests a hand on top of the doctor's big hat. "Besides, it's best to get it over with now."

Chopper sniffles, fighting down his tears, but merely nods and climbs down from the stool, padding across the room. Robin meanwhile surreptitiously studies the swordsman as he reclines against the pillow pile, fiddling with the rest of his food with his spoon. How can he be so certain that Sanji is on his way? There's no sound of footsteps, even with the stone floors. Unless the chef is running, there's no possible way for Zoro even to hear him.

Chopper stands on the tips of his hind hooves and turns the knob, and sure enough, Sanji enters the room as the door opens. In his hand is a third plate of milk risotto, the food freshly made and steaming. "I brought something for the—" he starts, but the rest of the sentence catches in his throat at the sight of the plate on Zoro's lap.

"What?" Zoro says, not even sparing the chef a glance.

"What the fresh fuck are you doing?" Sanji barks, his voice near loud enough to shatter glass.

"Sanji!" Chopper shouts in kind. "Not so loud!"

"That's Robin-chan's plate, you fucking, selfish, shitty bastard!" Sanji raves, ignoring Chopper's pleading and Robin's even being there. Classic tunnel vision. All he sees is Zoro and the plate he worked so hard to prepare just for Robin on his lap.

"Huh, so it is," Zoro says simply. "What of it?"

"How much of an asshole _are_ you, you shit-head? How dare you steal from her?"

"What's it to you if I did?" Zoro murmurs, looking at the cook sidelong. "I was hungry, and there was a plate available. It's not like I can come get you, dumbass."

Sanji clenches his teeth, the tension in the air near palpable as Chopper swallows nervously. Robin stares after Sanji in shock as the chef turns and storms from the room, nearly shattering the full plate as he slams it down on the table and pulls the door shut behind him. The frame beside it swings sideways from its left nail and falls to the floor, bouncing off the stone as the glass cracks and erupts from the polished wood.

Zoro groans in pain, bringing his fingers gingerly to his ears. "Fuck, are they bleeding again?" he says.

Chopper rushes over and jumps up onto the bed, carefully turning Zoro's head to one side and looking closely. "There's…. Th-There's nothing visible a-at least…." he says through his tears. "I need to check again."

"You're staring, Robin," Zoro says, plainly feeling her eyes burning hole in the back of his head.

"Did he just…. What on Earth….?!" Robin says.

"I did warn you. I would've been fine with the platter."

"Zoro…. I'm so sorry. I didn't realize—"

"Don't worry about it," Zoro says. "It isn't your fault."

Chopper undoes the bandages and peers into Zoro's ear, then turns. "Robin," he says with a sniffle, "would you hand me my tools please?"

Robin stands and goes over to the table, lifting the blue bag and bringing it over to him, opening the top. "What do you need?" she says softly.

"My flashlight. I can't see deep enough."

Robin nods and fishes around carefully inside the bag, pulling out the handheld black tool. Chopper takes it and turns it on, shining it in Zoro's ear as he squints. The swordsman doesn't so much as flinch while the doctor works. "How bad is it?" he asks as Chopper releases his ear.

"Nothing got damaged this time, but…. If it happens again…."

"There's nothing you can't fix, Chops. Everyone knows that."

"Stop flattering me, you asshole," Chopper says, unable to keep from smiling, though his words don't have near the energy it usually does.

Robin watches silently while Chopper works, handing him what he needs as requested. Obviously, she was wrong about Sanji. She never thought he would react so terribly in front of her, not to mention his horrible language. He has never, never lost his temper in front of her or Nami. She shouldn't have assumed she knew. Zoro was right. Sanji is indeed pissed, for lack of a better term.

"You're thinking too loud, Robin," Zoro says, his voice sounding faraway and lifeless.

"E-Excuse me?" Robin says, startled.

"Sorry. Ignore me. Those damn meds I take."

"Right." Robin guiltily lowers her eyes. "I truly am sorry, Zoro."

"Will you stop apologizing already? I'm not dead, am I?"

Robin doesn't miss the ironic humor in her crewmate's voice, she and Chopper both smiling at his comment. Chopper replaces the bandages around Zoro's head and puts away his tools, then climbs down off the bed with a sigh. "We're dodging too many bullets with this," he says.

Zoro turns. "Still no damage?" Again, Robin notices the slight off-center glance in the swordsman's eyes.

"By some miracle," Chopper says with a shake of his head. "I promised to let them visit tomorrow, but—"

"Don't deny him," Zoro says.

Both his crewmates stare in shock at him. "Zoro, this is the second time he's done this," Chopper urges, anger lacing his otherwise adorable voice.

"Still he's a comrade. It isn't fair to let everyone else see me and not him."

Robin blinks twice, then smiles. She sees why Luffy was so insistent on having the demon swordsman on his crew. Regardless how much he tries to deny it, Zoro is fair and honorable, the very thing that makes him the first mate.

Zoro smiles at Chopper, his warm eyes resting squarely on the little reindeer as he scratches under his chin with his fingertips. "Besides, you've been hogging me for days, haven't you?" he says.

Chopper blushes, though his ears wiggle happily from the scratching. "Hey, no fair!" he says, keeping his voice down.

"I know." Zoro chuckles and pulls his hand away.

Chopper gives a cute pout, puffing out his furry little cheeks. "Okay, but if he does it again, no more visits. Got it, mister?"

"Yes, oh great Doctor Chopper," Zoro says with a tired laugh as Chopper dances.

"I believe we should leave our swordsman to sleep a while, Chopper," Robin suggests, seeing Zoro's fatigue.

"Well, yeah, but—"

"I'll keep an eye on him," Robin says with a pointed look at Zoro, "so he won't try anything funny."

"I won't, jeez," Zoro rebuts as he folds his arms.

Robin giggles and lifts the plates, stepping out of the room with Chopper.

"Have a good nap, Zoro!" Chopper says cheerfully as he waves, pulling the door closed behind them.

~SZSZSZSZ~

Once certain their out of earshot and checking the room four times to make sure none of Robin's eyes or ears are around just yet, Zoro stretches out his arm and lifts his tattered belly warmer from the small table beside the bed. His face falls at the sight of the ruined fabric. He'll need to see if she can repair it, assuming he can reach her any time soon.

With a sigh, he fishes around in a small pocket he made on the right side and finds his baby Snail Transponder. Thank fuck it's undamaged. They'd kill him if anything happened to it. With how many adjustments they'd made to it, there's no way he'd find another like it. Tracing a pattern on the Snail's shell, he lifts the receiver and waits. After a few rings, the line finally connects, and a gruff voice says, "And here my day was going great."

"Aww, come on, old man, don't be so grouchy," Zoro says with a smirk. "You know you missed me."

"I ain't old, ya little shit!" the other man snarls.

"Yeah, sure, keep telling yourself that."

"What do you want? You never call just to say hello."

"I'm so honored you still remember. I need a favor."

"No shit, dumbass."

"When was the last time you heard from her?"

"Not since last month at least. Why?"

Again, Zoro looks about the room, then lowers his voice even more. "Can you still hear me?"

"Unfortunately."

Zoro exhales and tells him everything that's happened, making sure not to leave out any details. He knows this asshole hates being lied to. "I likely won't be eating for a while if certain idiots can help it," he finishes, "and, like I said, I'm pretty banged up."

"…. Let me get this straight. You interrupted my perfect work to tell me to call her to cook for your stupid, suicidal ass?"

"That's the gist of it, yeah. Can you do it?"

"Yeah, I can but not because I care about you."

"Thank you, sweetie," Zoro says, purposely putting in just the right amount of honey to piss the other man off.

"Go to sleep, you jackass!" the man retorts before the call disconnects.

Zoro chuckles and puts the Snail back into his belly warmer, then slowly lies down and turns over, hugging his pillows with a wistful smile. Who knows? With any luck, he might just get a visit out of this. It's been a good since they've had one.

"Thanks, you big idiot," he says softly, holding the pillow over his eyes as he drifts off into sleep.

 **~SZSZSZSZ~**

 **A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Any and all feedback is welcome!**


	4. Secret Meeting

**A/N: Hi there, everyone! This one will be a bit longer than the ones before. The plot will start developing more with this chapter! I hope I haven't kept you waiting too long! Here I present chapter number four! I do not own One Piece. Happy Reading!**

 **~SZSZSZSZ~**

 **Secret Meeting**

"Yohohoho! It was a pleasure finally speaking with you, Zoro-san!" Brooke says energetically, keeping his bright voice at a low whisper.

"Likewise, Brooke," Zoro replies with a smile. "Glad to have a fellow swordsman aboard."

Brooke stands from the chair, and, with a respectful bow to the first mate and the doctor, steps out of the room. Chopper giggles. "Everyone's so happy to see you again, Zoro, especially Luffy!" he says.

"Yeah. I think your fussing about his volume finally got to him." Zoro sits back and chuckles good-naturedly. "Hopefully, it won't stop him from partying. You know how he is about his feasts."

"Yeah, you're right."

Silence.

"He's the only one left, Zoro," Chopper says at last.

"I know."

"Are you sure you wanna do this?"

"I already said I wouldn't bar him. It isn't fair if I do."

Chopper smiles, then leaves the room and heads downstairs. The Straw Hats and the Lola Pirates sit about the room in little groups. Nami and Robin sits with Lola and the Risky Brothers. Luffy, Franky, Usopp, and Brooke are busy entertaining some of the others with their dancing and ridiculous antics. And so on and so forth. The only one not joining in on the fun is Sanji. The chef sits a good way away from everyone else, taking a deep drag of his cig. The smoke spirals up above his head as he exhales, his head slightly tipped back as his visible eye lifelessly takes in the shambled ceiling.

With a heavy sigh—for the life of him, he can't understand why Zoro is even allowing this, regardless how just he is—the doctor approaches the chef and tugs twice on the back of his blue sweatshirt. Sanji jumps in surprise and turns, blinking twice at the sight of him. "Oh. Hey, Chopper," he says simply.

"You can come see him now," Chopper says.

Sanji again blinks. "Wait, what?"

"I don't know why either, but Zoro said you can come visit." Chopper's eyes harden. "But if you do that same shit again, you're forbidden to see him until he's fully healed. Get it?"

Sanji doesn't miss the seriousness in the little doctor's voice and nods in understanding. "I'll keep it down," he promises. It's not his fault the swordsman agitates him so badly. He wouldn't have yelled had Zoro not stolen Robin-chan's plate. Okay, yeah, fine, maybe it hadn't warranted that bad a reaction, but the man is a brute. Sanji doesn't put anything past him if he's hungry enough, what with how he undermines Nami-san's authority and advice and how cold-blooded he is towards Robin-chan.

The chef extinguishes his cigarette, then stands and follows Chopper upstairs to Zoro's room. The swordsman sits against his pillows with his eyes closed, his fingers folded on his still bandaged stomach. Sanji flinches at the sight of the fresh bandages around his head. Yeah, he admits those are his fault, but his chivalry was justified. Right?

"Wait here," Chopper says, stopping Sanji in the hallway. "I'll let him know you're here first."

Sanji nods.

Chopper steps into the room and returns within barely five minutes. "Okay, you can go in now. Remember what we talked about."

Sanji again nods. Chopper steps aside and allows the chef to enter. Sanji sits down on the chair and folds his fingers between his knees. "Hey," he says.

Zoro cracks open one eye. "Hey yourself."

Sanji immediately bristles but fights down his instinct. He promised Chopper he wouldn't overreact a third time. "How are you feeling?" he asks instead.

Zoro shakily shrugs. "Better than I was. Not as dizzy now at least."

"That's good."

"What's bothering you, shit-cook? You look distracted."

Sanji takes a deep breath to keep himself calm. There's no sense in starting something if there's nothing to be agitated about. "Why did you steal Robin-chan's plate yesterday? I was bringing something for when you woke up if you'd just waited a bit longer," he says.

"There was food, I was hungry, so I ate. Simple as that."

"So you _did_ take it."

"Obviously, dumbass. I already admitted to it once. Why do I need to repeat myself?"

Sanji squeezes his own fingers, anger bubbling in his veins, but he resists the shout burning to emerge. "How could you?"

"How could I what?" Zoro says.

"You harmed a lady just to fill your own stomach?" Sanji says in a harsh whisper.

"Way to figure it out. Guess you're not as dumb as I thought."

Sanji closes his eyes and grits his teeth. Chopper will never forgive him if he does anything to hinder the healing process, but oh what he wouldn't give to leave just one shoe print in Zoro's thick skull. "You know what, I was right about you."

"Depends on what you were right about."

"That you're really nothing but a shitty, selfish asshole with no moral compass or sense of chivalry!" He's amazed he can keep his voice so low.

"Guilty as charged," Zoro says softly.

"You're not getting another fucking drop of my food until you fucking apologize, you arrogant piece of shit," Sanji snarls. "Robin-chan could've gotten hurt because of you."

"I get it already. It won't happen again."

Sanji all but leaps to his feet and storms from the room, ignoring Chopper's cold glare as he makes for the staircase. Selfish asshole, always doing whatever the fuck he wants. He can burn in hell for all the fuck he cares.

~SZSZSZSZ~

Zoro brings a hand to his head and closes his eyes with a deep exhale. "Well, that settles that." He slowly lays his head back. "You can come in now, Chops."

Chopper frowns as he enters the room and closes the door. "He's actually planning to starve you…." he mutters angrily.

"I'll be fine, Chops. Don't be so stressed. I'll figure something out, okay?"

"How can you be so sure you'll be okay?"

"Hey, I know I look dumb, but I think I can be pretty smart sometimes at least."

Chopper tries—and fails miserably—not to smile. "You need to find some way to eat."

"I have a way, Chops, okay?"

Chopper stares in confusion. "How?" he says.

"Just trust me on this one. I know what I'm doing."

"Can I at least have a hint? You know I get worried…."

"If your constant worrying is any indication," Zoro says with a smile. "I promise I'll get through this. I usually have an emergency plan just in case something happens."

Chopper lowers his eyes and only nods. Interrogation never gets anyone anywhere with the man, and he knows more than anyone how much Zoro hates being badgered about anything. "I _do_ trust you, Zoro," he says. "I'm just still worried, is all."

"And I understand that. Tell you what. If I promise to let you in on it, will it calm you down?"

"Really?!"

"Yes, really, but you can only tell Robin, all right? It's our little secret."

"O-Okay! You can count on me, Zoro!"

Zoro grins. "I always can, little man. When are we setting sail?"

"Nami said the Log Pose will set some time this afternoon so you've got time for one more nap at least."

"You know me too well. Thanks, Chops. You're the best."

"That doesn't make me happy, you ass!" Chopper insists.

~SZSZSZSZ~

"Time to wake up, Zoro." Robin's gentle voice breaks into Zoro's dreams, her hand resting on his arm.

Zoro yawns and slowly lifts his head, trying to blink the sleepiness from his eyes. "Robin? Are we leaving?"

Robin nods. "They're loading up the ship now. Chopper sent me up to get you so you can board first."

The first mate slowly pushes himself onto one side, then sits up with the archaeologist's assistance. He moves aside the blankets, relieved to see his black pants still on, and grips Robin's offered arm as he stands. "Thanks," he says.

Robin smiles and nods, helping Zoro put on his belly warmer and an open grey and white shirt. He then lifts his swords, fits them into the loops on the green fabric, and the two make their way from the room and downstairs. Zoro curses between his teeth, feeling the unsteadiness still in his muscles as he descends. "Just take one step at a time, Zoro," Robin says with a smile. "They're not rushing you."

Zoro blinks and suddenly gasps. "Wait! Yubashiri! I forgot her!" he says.

"Yubashiri?" Robin asks.

"My…. My dead sword. From Enies Lobby."

Holding the swordsman steady, Robin closes her eyes and concentrates, an eye opening on the wall in the bedroom as she looks around. A black, gold-adorned saya leans against the wall beside the bed. A hand sprouts behind it, its fingers taking hold of it and passing it to a second hand. More arms and hands sprout from the floor as they carefully pass the sword out of the room and down to its master. Zoro turns and smiles with relief as he takes his sword from Robin's hand. "Thank you," he says, instinctively looking it over before securing it in his fist. It pains him more than Kuma's ability to have to leave her behind, but there's no way to save her now. He has Shuusui, and he knows Yubashiri will be honored to have such a great sword taking over her legacy.

Robin helps Zoro the rest of the way down the stairs and outside into the sun for the first time in what feels like an eternity. The crews happily cheer and pat his back as he passes them, along with Lola's at least twentieth proposal of marriage. This woman refuses to give up. Zoro only chuckles and then turns. "Where's the memorial?" he asks.

"To the Rumbar Pirates? I can take you," Chopper says.

Zoro smiles warmly and takes the little doctor's hoof, Robin keeping a hand on his back to keep him steady on his feet. Violin music reaches their ears first, and the three find Brooke sitting on the ground near the elaborate headstone as he plays. Zoro smiles and takes a shaky step forward, then another and another. Chopper smiles as he watches the swordsman gain his balance motion by forced steady motion. He's on the mend at last, and they know it.

After another conversation with Brooke, Zoro walks with the other two to the gangplank and steps up onto the ship, deeply inhaling the familiar scent of Sunny's grassy deck. It feels good to be back where he belongs.

"We need to go help out the others," Chopper says. "Is there anywhere you want to go?"

"The crow's nest is fine."

"But your room is right down there, Zoro."

"I know, but I don't feel like being near anyone just yet."

"Well…. If you're sure…."

"I'll be all right, Chopper," Zoro says with a smile as he squeezes his hoof.

Chopper smiles back and shifts to his Heavy Point, carefully scooping up the swordsman and carrying him up the rope ladder to the crow's nest. He pushes open the hatch and brings Zoro inside. The swordsman sighs as the doctor lowers him onto the room wide bench. "Are you feeling a little better?" Chopper asks.

"Yeah, I'm all right," Zoro replies.

Chopper nods and quietly pulls the hatch closed behind him as he leaves.

Within the hour, the rest of the Straw Hats get onboard Sunny, and Franky hoists the anchor, the ship setting sail as the pirates wave goodbye to their new friends. Zoro watches through the enormous window with a smile. He has a feeling they'll run into them again soon enough, but hopefully not too soon. Lola is a bit too energetic for his taste.

Hardly thirty minutes have passed before the sounds of one of Luffy's infamous feasts come drifting up from the deck, mixed with the smell of Sanji's cooking. Zoro relaxes as he soon hears Brooke's familiar violin music, his mind easing into simpler, clearer thoughts. Sure, the noise is a bit irritating after having been in silence and solitude for a good while in order to heal, but fortunately, he's good at listening past unfavorable sounds. Like the shitty chef's voice, for example.

Barely has he closed his eyes to enjoy the music when the hatch swings wide open, followed by a pair of rubbery arms shooting up through the doorway. Luffy's hands grab on securely to the edge as he leaps up and plops down on the floor. "Zoro!" he shouts excitedly.

The first mate does his best not to flinch at his overenthusiastic captain's piercing voice. "What's up, Lu?" he says.

"What are you doing up here all by yourself?" he asks, swaying side to side. "You're missing the feast!"

"Sorry, Lu, but I'm gonna have to sit this one out."

Luffy's face instantly falls. "But…. why?"

"Still got a bit of a headache." In truth, his head is just fine. He just doesn't want to be anywhere near that idiot blond.

"But it's no fun without you there…. Please, Zoro?"

His request is so earnest, it breaks Zoro's heart to hear it, but even Captain's Orders can't change his mind on this one. "I really am sorry, Lu. Next time, okay?"

"You promise?"

"Cross my heart on it."

Luffy brightens up in hardly a second. "Awesome! And don't back out of it! Captain's Orders!"

Zoro chuckles and gives a mock salute. He really should've seen that coming. Luffy hops down through the hatch opening and pulls the door shut behind him.

~SZSZSZSZ~

Sanji looks over and watches as Luffy returns to the party, diving headfirst onto the table to get the hugest piece of meat on the platter. Usopp pulls the younger man's cheek, snarling as he struggles to pull the meat from his mouth. "Let go! Let go, Luffy, dammit! That's _my_ food!" he shouts.

"Mine now!" Luffy says, biting through triumphantly.

The table soon erupts into its expected fight, everyone protecting their food from their voracious captain. But Sanji is too distracted to berate him. His gaze travels towards the crow's nest, but the door never reopens. Zoro can't really be that stupid, can he? He hadn't meant it when he'd threatened to withhold meals. Yeah, he was angry, and yeah, he was standing up for his precious Robin-chan, but he was talking off the cuff. Had he actually been thinking, he would never have said something so cruel, no matter how much he hates the swordsman.

"You damn idiot," he mutters. "I wasn't serious."

Robin's instincts instantly spike as she watches the chef make for the rope ladder. The last thing Zoro needs is yet another fight. Just as she starts to rise from her seat, Nami calls out, "Sanji-kun, would you refill my drink please?"

"Right away, Nami-san!" Sanji pipes up, his eye turning to a brilliant pink heart as he twirls over to her side.

Robin breathes a quiet sight of relief and sits back, lifting her coffee cup. Nami has no idea what's going on, but she literally just saved Sanji's life. Robin knows she would've broken the poor man's back, had he gone anywhere near Zoro again.

"Are you okay, Big sister?" Nami says, her brow furrowed with worry as she looks over at her.

Robin smiles and shakes her head. "I'm all right, Nami-chan," she says. "I'm just thinking. I read a pretty disturbing book this morning."

"You need to stop doing that, Big sister," Nami suggests.

"I'll do that, thank you," Robin says.

~SZSZSZSZ~

Zoro snorts and opens his eyes at the knock on the window just against his head. Blinking a few times to clear his vision, he looks up and grins. He reaches up, unlocks the window's section, and pulls it open, a massive plume of whitish-grey smoke filling the room. "About time you got here," Zoro says. "I thought you forgot about me."

Smoker materializes before him, his bulky arms folded over his built chest as he absentmindedly chews on his two cigars. "As if I could forget anyone as annoying as you," the Commodore mutters, then taps his cheek with one gloved finger.

"Sorry but you'll have to come here," Zoro says. "I can't walk well at the moment."

Smoker rolls his eyes. "Spoiled brat." But he concedes and walks over to him, bending down as Zoro plants a kiss on his elder brother's cheek. "Do you feel any better?" Smoker says as he takes a seat beside him.

"Not as wobbly but could be better." Zoro looks regretfully at his swords. "Still can't train right now. Chops would have my balls on a platter."

"So would she."

Zoro looks up at him in shock and horror. "You…. Y-You told her?!" he balks. "Smoker!"

"I don't recall you asking or me promising not to tell her," Smoker retorts with a smug grin.

"You fucking asshole! Why would you…. Nevermind. I'm sorry."

Smoker blinks and pulls the cigars from his mouth. "Zoro, are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Zoro says as he looks away, folding his legs and resting his jaw on his hand.

"I can count on one hand how many times you've lashed out at me without _that_ being involved."

Zoro closes his eyes and sighs. "I can't be sure, but I'll keep an eye out for it. There shouldn't be anything to worry about."

Smoker nods, then replaces his cigars, reaches into his inner jacket pocket, and pulls out a wrapped box. Zoro turns and blinks as he takes the package. "Damn, did she put her whole damn kitchen in here or something?" he says, untying the string.

"That's what I asked when she gave it to me." Smoker turns and pulls the window section shut, setting the latch back in place. "Apparently, she was feeling generous today, is what she said."

Zoro opens the box and smiles. All his favorite foods in one place. Smoker chuckles as he sits back, stretching out his arm along the back of the seat. "As if she could ever forget. You're a walking bottomless pit."

"Have you met Luffy?" Zoro picks up and pulls apart the chopsticks, then claps his hands together with a nod of his head and starts to eat.

"Which reminds me, how did they not see me?" Smoker says. "Usually that blond is the first one to notice something out of place."

Zoro says nothing in response, electing instead to stuff his face. Smoker lifts a brow but doesn't press further. Something is definitely bothering him, but he already knows prying will make it worse. Zoro finishes half the box, then sighs heavily. "Is this…. Will you be able to come back again?" he says softly.

"I don't know," Smoker says, not missing his little brother's crestfallen face. "Zoro, you already know how it is. Too many of these visits will be disastrous for both of us."

"So unless you're coming to beat the ever living shit out of us, there's next to no chance. Right?"

Smoker nods.

"Great. Well…. how long can you stay at least?"

"Until I get called back or Four-eyes comes looking for me."

Zoro snorts. "You really don't like her, do you?" he says.

"I tolerate her." Smoker turns his eyes away.

"That reminds me. How are you and Ace?"

Smoker blushes deeply.

Zoro grins. "That good, huh? You're lucky, Smokes. He really does love you."

"He annoys the fuck outta me."

"But isn't that the whole reason why this started? Besides, you two are made for each other and you know it. Just make sure you invite me to the fucking wedding, get it?"

"Shut. The fuck. Up!" Smoker snarls, just barely managing to keep from outright shouting.

Zoro snorts into his food as he stuffs another fried shrimp into his mouth. Smoker bares his teeth, then closes his eyes and exhales, resting his hand on Zoro's head. "You will never change, will you, brat?" he says with a warm smile.

"Not on your life, old man."

"I ain't old, dammit."

Zoro smiles back and soon finishes his food, setting the box aside. "Thanks for doing this," he says. "I know you didn't have to come all the way out here."

"No, I didn't, but someone has to keep an eye on you."

Zoro chuckles, then hugs his brother tight around the middle. "I'll miss you," he says.

Smoker ruffles Zoro's hair. "Yeah. You, too, you nutcase. I likely won't make it tonight, but he should be free to come."

"You know they'll freak if—well, when they see him."

"They'd freak if they saw me so big fucking deal."

Both brothers laugh. Zoro finishes the last bite of food, then closes and sets aside the box and his chopsticks. "How's she doing?" he says. "Have any of the others been to see her yet?"

"No one aside from me and him. I think the rest are still stretched too thin even to talk to her lately."

"Figures."

"Yeah but hopefully, they'll find the time." The Transponder Snail on his hip starts to ring, and Smoker sighs. "Which is exactly what I don't have."

"Go."

Smoker turns to his younger brother, his brow furrowed with worry. "Zoro, are you sure you'll—"

"Just go. That genius is probably looking for you by now."

Smoker pulls Zoro into a warm but careful hug. "I'll be back whenever I can," he assures.

"I know, I know." Zoro hugs him back. "Now, get going. I don't want them sending the battleships after you."

"Thanks for the concern," Smoker says with a roll of his eyes.

Zoro gently wiggles free of his brother's arms and looks through the window down to the deck.

"Are we clear?" Smoker says.

"Hang on." Zoro rests his thumb on the latch. "Okay. And…. Go."

The instant he unlocks the window and opens it, Smoker is gone. Zoro sighs heavily and pulls the window shut, sinking down onto the bench. A short visit, though it was, it's good to see his brother when he's not being a hostile jackass. If he's lucky, he might just be able to make him call off this stupid manhunt for Luffy. Smoker has no chance of catching him, and they both know it. But their stubbornness is an inherited trait. "Yeah, good luck with that," Zoro mutters to himself.

The swordsman stretches out on the bench and soon drifts off to sleep, not noticing the big blue eyes watching him from the wall. _Well now,_ Robin says to herself, smiling behind her cup, _this is turning out to be quite interesting._

"Robin-chwan!" Sanji sings as he kneels at her side. "Would you like more coffee, my angel?"

"Thank you, Sanji," she replies with a sweet smile.

 **~SZSZSZSZ~**

 **A/N: So I finished this one a bit quicker than I thought I would. I'm trying to revise my first chapter to add in the dividers and bold print for my author's notes. *bows repeatedly* Please pardon my perfectionist ways! Any and all criticism and advice is welcome! Thank you again!**


	5. The Swordsman's Identity

**A/N: Greetings and salutations, everyone! Thank you so much for sticking with me the last couple years! I truly appreciate each and every one of you and cannot thank you enough!**

 **As mentioned in my profile, I'm rebooting the last two chapters of this fic! I was searching everywhere in my house trying to find the original manuscript (and finally did!) and noticed more than a few discrepancies between the version published and the version written! I truly hope that this refresher will make more sense and keep the story just as interesting!**

 **Again, thank you all so very much! And now, without further ado, I present Chapter 5 Rebooted! Happy Reading!**

 **~SZSZSZSZ~**

 **The Swordsman's Identity**

A sudden chill rattles Zoro awake. With a shudder and a hard sneeze, the first mate blinks open his eyes, sniffles, and slowly sits up, cradling his spinning head in one hand. He notes the darkening horizon through the opposite window and groans. "Damn, how long was I asleep?"

"Since before I got here at least," a voice beside him replies.

Zoro turns his eyes and lifts a brow. A young man with skin so pale that he might well be transparent sits a foot or so away from him on the bench, his black clad legs folded and his shoulders hunched while he smokes a cigarette. His hip-length pitch black hair swishes across his bare back as he turns and smirks, exhaling the fumes through his nostrils.

"I see you helped yourself to my weights," Zoro huffs, noticing the fine sheet of sweat coating the man's skin.

"You weren't exactly awake for me to ask permission, if you'll recall, so what was I supposed to do? Besides, I was quiet about it, wasn't I? Give me some credit," he retorts.

"You could've woken me, dumbass."

"Ha! And have you fucking castrate me? I like my balls where they are, thanks."

Zoro chuckles and lowers his hand. I wouldn't have been _that_ mean. You're my cousin, remember?"

"And when has that ever stopped you?"

Zoro shrugs one shoulder, unable to keep from grinning, then instinctively reaches down to feel Wado's hilt, only to find his hip empty. "What the—Dammit, Vlad!" he balks.

Vlad nods towards the opposite wall where all three swords are lined up perfectly and unharmed. "Once again, I like my balls where they are," he states. "Besides, how much of a heathen do you think I am?"

"A sadistic piece of shit with a cynical and cruel sense of humor, sure, but never a heathen. You're so much more refined than that," Zoro coos.

"I'm so honored, ya masochistic fuck-head."

"Anyway, you're here because?" Zoro changes the subject.

"Smoker couldn't make it back so I'm on delivery duty tonight.

"She made more."

"As if she'd let you get away with one meal."

"Better her than your dad on my ass."

Vlad again smirks, then extinguishes his cigarette, stands, and crosses the room to his discarded jacket, lifting the bag beside it. Undoing the buckles and straps, he fishes around inside his pack and carefully pulls out a box twice the size of the one from this afternoon. He looks it over and breathes a sigh of relief. "All right, good, no damage," he notes.

"The hell?" Zoro says in shock.

"Hey, don't ask me. It's not like we don't all know how you eat." Vlad sets down the box on his cousin's lap. "You're a fucking garbage disposal, and you know it."

"You seriously need to meet Luffy."

Vlad raises a brow. "Luffy?"

"My crazy-ass captain." Zoro unties the string and tears the paper off the box.

"He eats more than you?"

"You'd think him weirder than we are."

"Sounds interesting." Vlad sits down and lights up a fresh cig, taking a deep drag.

Zoro pulls off the lid and inhales the varying smells of the delicious food within, then snaps the chopsticks and starts to eat. "She's gonna spoil me one day."

"Like Auntie hasn't done that your whole life," Vlad points out, reaching over to sneak a piece of sushi from the box.

Zoro smacks the back of his cousin's hand with the chopsticks.

Vlad shakes his hand viciously to rid it of the stinging sensation. "Ouch, dammit!" he yelps.

The swordsman smirks triumphantly and resumes his meal.

Vlad stretches out his legs and sits back on his hands, the cigarette dangling limply between his parted lips. "So, when was the last time it showed up?" he asks.

"Lost count a while back. Can't take my meds with all this shit going on." Zoro indicates the bandages under his shirt.

"Mmm. I went ahead and called Auntie on my way out, by the way," Vlad informs.

"About it?"

"What else?"

"And her pearls of wisdom were?"

"Don't take your medicine for the next three weeks at least."

Zoro nearly chokes on his jumbo fried shrimp. "What?" he says with a hard cough. "Why the fuck not?"

"Dad and Uncle said you're underestimating the amount of damage you've got there. You'll heal faster if you lay off the meds."

"How the hell did they get involved in this?"

"Really? You're seriously asking me that?"

Zoro sighs and lowers his eyes to his bandaged torso. Chopper had mentioned the scar from Mihawk's Yoru had reopened almost completely, that and the ones on his ankles. How the little guy had managed to stitch them back together so perfectly is beyond amazing. "Fine. I won't argue with you," he concedes, "but there is _one_ little problem."

"Which is?"

"That shit chef I told you about a few months ago. I have enough problems with him as it is."

"Oh yeah." Vlad tips back his head and pulls the cig from his mouth, exhaling the smoky cloud as he stares at the ceiling. "I forgot about him."

"Memory like an elephant you've got," Zoro snorts with a roll of his eyes, then pops a piece of sushi into his mouth. "It's not that I can't take him if he _does_ try some stupid shit, but I don't feel like him slobbering over me."

"I wasn't implying that you can't, ZoZo."

"Call me that again and I'll snap your neck."

"Oh, I'm scared."

Zoro bares his teeth and shoves a rice ball into Vlad's mouth as his cheeks color. "Watch it, asshole," he warns.

Vlad chews and swallows. "So spill already."

"Smokes didn't tell you."

"Would I be asking if he had?"

The first mate sits back against the bench and recounts the sequence of events he had told Smoker.

Vlad narrows his fierce amber eyes. "What do you want me to do, Zoro?" he questions.

"Don't put yourself out, Vlad," he murmurs. "There's no point expending your energy on that fucktard. Besides, you might accidentally kill him."

"Accidentally?"

"Luffy would strangle your stupid ass."

"I would love to see him try."

Zoro laughs. "You will never change."

"Not even on your life."

The pair turn towards the hatch, and Vlad stands from his spot, grabbing and pulling on his jacket. "And that's my cue to leave."

Zoro points at the bag with his chopsticks. "Make sure you don't forget that." He lifts another shrimp to his lips. "When will you be back?"

"About three days from now. It'll push through completely by then. I can smell it."

"Figures."

"And yes, I'll bring your goddamn food, you waste bin."

"Thank you," Zoro says with a disgustingly sweet smile.

Vlad pulls on his pack, then snaps his fingers and comes back over to Zoro, bending down to let his cousin plant a kiss on his cheek. "Sorry, forgot to do that," he implores.

"It's fine. Now, scram. You've got shit to do."

"Yeah, yeah, love you, too, dumbass." Vlad disappears in a massive spiral of black flames.

The hatch opens not even two minutes after his cousin's departure, and the swordsman looks over to see Chopper and Robin climbing up into the crow's nest. "Hey, Zoro," the doctor greets softly. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm doing all right," Zoro replies with a smile as he sets down the box on his lap.

Chopper blinks, then blinks again, but the box doesn't disappear. "Where did that food come from?" he asks.

"Robin, can you close the hatch, please?" Zoro inquires.

 _Please?_ The archaeologist nods and lowers the hatch door, the pair then sitting down on the bench with their crewmate, Chopper crawling into Robin's lap.

"This came from back home," Zoro admits. "My mother made this."

Both visibly stumble. "M-Mother?" Robin says.

"Yeah, my mother." Zoro turns his eyes to her. "Which reminds me, I'm guessing you saw who was here before, yeah?"

Robin's eyes widen slightly. "How did you—"

"I'm a bit more observant than I look. It's creepy when you watch like that."

Chopper tilts his head, a question mark popping up above his hat. This kid can't possibly be more adorable. "Who?" he queries.

"Smoker," Robin replies simply.

The little reindeer's jaw drops near to the floor. "S-S-S-Smoker?! _Here?!_ " He nearly breaks his neck as he looks up at Robin. "Why didn't you say anything?!"

"She would have if there was anything to worry about," Zoro assures with a smirk.

Robin giggles. "Sanji and Nami don't give you nearly enough credit," she praises.

"What is going _on_ here?!" Chopper demands, somehow managing to keep his voice down.

"Calm down, Chops," Zoro says softly. "I'm about to explain."

Chopper turns to the swordsman, tears of worry and fear brimming in his eyes.

Zoro smiles and pats the little guy's hat. "He's my brother," he informs.

"Y-Your brother?" Chopper repeats, clearly stunned. "How?"

"Our mom and dad had sex."

"That's not what I meant!" the doctor all but shrieks, folding his arms in frustration.

Zoro chuckles and waves his free hand. "Sorry, sorry, but it was too good to pass up." Noticing Robin eyeing the half full box, he lifts it and holds it out to her. "Want some? She made a good bit."

Robin lifts a rice ball and takes a bite, covering her mouth as her eyes widen. "Oh, my heavens!" she gasps, then looks down at Chopper. "Would you like to try some?"

Chopper again blinks, then unfolds his arms, breaks off a piece, and takes a bite. "This is amazing, Zoro!" he cries with a bright smile.

Zoro gives a proud grin. "Yeah, Mama is damn good at what she does," he boasts, setting down his chopsticks and picking up a rice ball of his own. "By the way, I need to talk to you two. You guys and Nami, actually."

"Nami?" Robin questions, her hand just in front of her lips as she chews.

"Why for, Zoro?" Chopper asks, his furry cheeks soon puffed up with more food.

"I'll fill you in on the details when she's here." Zoro turns towards the window. "Let's just say I need a favor."

"Very well," Robin assures. "We'll be sure to have her up here tomorrow morning."

"Oh, good. You guys can join me for breakfast, then."

"Oh! Thanks, Zoro!" Chopper pipes up.

"No problem."

The three work together to finish off the food, and Zoro stretches with a wide yawn.

"Do you need anything before you sleep?" Chopper asks.

"Just some blankets and pillows from my room. I'm staying the night up here for a while."

"I'll get them," Robin volunteers, stepping down through the hatch.

"The key's under the door," Zoro calls after her.

"Thank you," she responds, pulling down the door.

Chopper gives Zoro another checkup, then opens the hatch as Robin knocks a few minutes later. The archaeologist spreads out the blankets on the bench and fluffs up the pillows. Zoro snuggles down under the covers, then hugs his pillows and thumps down on the bench with a happy sigh, despite the doctor's frantic protests. Robin smiles and picks up Chopper. "Come on, now," she says, rubbing his back to calm him. "Let's let him sleep now."

Chopper turns to the first mate and pouts, pointing a warning hoof at him. "No funny business, mister!" he warns.

"I know, Chops, I know," Zoro says, smiling as he cracks open one eye. "Night, guys."

"Good night, Zoro," they chorus.

 **~SZSZSZSZ~**

"Now, explain again why exactly I'm coming with you two to visit the gremlin?" Nami says, the unease evident in her voice as she follows Robin and Chopper up the rope ladder.

"He specifically requested that we bring you with us," Robin states for the trillionth time in an hour.

"I smell a rat," Nami mutters, wrinkling her nose.

"Rat?! Where?!" Chopper shrieks, clinging ever closer to Robin as he rides on her back.

"She means she's suspicious," Robin comforts with a smile.

"Oh, right."

Robin reaches up and knocks on the hatch.

"Come on in, guys," the swordsman bids. "It's open."

She pushes up the door, and the three enter the crow's nest. Zoro sits up and awake on the bench, untying the string on yet another box. Chopper smiles brightly and runs over to him. "Ooh, you got more?" he says excitedly.

Zoro smiles. "Yeah."

"How does it keep getting here, though?" Chopper inquires.

"You'll find out eventually." Zoro takes off the lid, revealing a miniature smorgasbord and four sets of chopsticks. "Ah, good, she must've found out."

Nami watches in disbelief as Robin and Chopper lift two pairs and join Zoro in his meal.

The first mate looks up, swallowing the rolled omelet in his mouth, and asks, "You're not gonna eat, Nami?"

The navigator takes a step back. "What do you want?" Nami demands, not even trying to take the acid off her tongue.

Zoro blinks slowly. "Does it look like I wanna fight?"

He has a point. He hasn't been the least bit hostile—at least not openly—since they came in. There's no sense starting something. "Sorry," she mumbles.

"'S fine. Don't worry about it."

"Who gave that to you anyway?" Nami asks, pointing to the box.

"My mother," Zoro responds.

Nami blinks twice. "Wait a minute…. Your mother?"

"I'll explain later. It's too long a story."

"So…. I can still have some, right?"

For answer, Zoro hands her the last pair.

Nami breaks them apart, lifts one of the mackerel from the box with a nervous swallow, and slips the fish between her lips. The navigator gasps in shock. "This is delicious!" she exclaims. "I don't think even Sanji-kun can cook like this!"

"Better not let him hear that," Zoro warns, though he can't keep from grinning.

 **~SZSZSZSZ~**

Down below in the galley, Sanji sneezes, nearly dropping the ladle into the enormous pot of soup. "Ouch, fuck!" he snaps, pinching his sore nose to stop the tingling feeling. He sniffs hard and shakes the slight dizziness from his head. "Dammit, who the fuck is shit-talking me?"

 **~SZSZSZSZ~**

"Okay, so, what am I doing here, Zoro?" Nami asks again, lifting a fried pickle.

"In two days, I'll need you and Robin to keep the shit-cook busy while Chopper moves me to my room."

"Why?"

"I don't want the stupid bastard drooling over me."

Robin raises a brow.

"Drooling over you?" Nami echoes. "What do you mean?"

Zoro rubs his forehead and sighs. "I'll explain later."

"You're dodging a lot of questions," Nami notes. "Maybe if I add another thousand Belis to your debt, you'll start talking."

"Now, you're just being irritating," Zoro remarks. "It's not like I can't pay you back anyway."

The other three nearly choke on their food. Not only is he not instantly lighting up with anger the way he usually does but he says he can actually pay her back? Is this some sort of alternate universe?

"That being said," the first mate continues, "can I trust you guys to come through for me on this?"

Robin gives a sly smile. "Well, if you continue to treat us to your mother's wonderful cooking, I don't see why not."

"Yeah, that sounds like a fair deal," Nami concurs, munching on a rice ball. "I could get used to this."

"I'm in!" Chopper pipes up. "Oh and can you ask her to pack some sweets in the next one?"

"Cotton candy?" Zoro guesses.

"Yes!"

"I'll see what I can do."

A miniscule tongue of black fire weaves through his earrings and disappears.

"Yay!" Chopper cheers.

Zoro chuckles.

 **~SZSZSZSZ~**

The next few days fly by.

Sanji rolls out of bed and trudges sleepily across the room. The Sun barely peeks over the horizon, staining the sky a light, dusty shade of pink. "Just about dawn," the chef grumbles to himself, scratching his hair as he enters the bathroom. "If I get ready now, I'll have time to eat _and_ get a head-start on breakfast." Taking a quick shower, Sanji deposits his dirty clothes in the hamper, pulls on one of his suits, and heads up to the deck, glancing at the crow's nest as he makes his way to the galley. He sneers. Maybe the shitty bastard'll actually come down and eat today. He's damn well hungry enough.

Reaching the door, Sanji tries the knob and is surprised to find it already unlocked. What epic asshole thinks he has the right to enter _his_ kitchen without permission? Only a man would be brazen enough to pull some shit like this. There's no way his lovely ladies would be so rude.

The chef throws open the door and angrily storms inside, only to stop dead in his tracks. The hairs on the back of his neck stand up as his eyes widen in surprise, the words dying on his lips.

Sitting at the dining room table is a raven-haired man dressed all in black, his long legs folded, his amber eyes half open as he reads quietly from the open book before him. A steaming mug of coffee sits at his elbow, his fingertips resting around the rim. The man takes a sip and turns the page, not seeming to notice there's another person in the room with him.

Rediscovering his courage, Sanji roars, "Who the bloody fuck are _you_?! And what the fuck are you doing in my kitchen?!"

The man returns the mug to its place and sighs heavily. "Pretty rude bastard, aren't you?" he remarks.

"…. What?"

"You really _do_ only have manners when you're around women, huh?"

Sanji snarls. " _You're_ the rude bastard here," he argues, "strolling onto someone else's ship like you fucking _own_ the place!"

The chef nearly swallows his tongue as the man slowly turns his eyes to him, a powerful wave of fear running down his spine all the way to his toes. Only Zoro's ever managed to freeze him in place like this. How can this guy do the same thing? What the hell is he even trying to piece together?

Before Sanji can open his mouth again, the man snaps his book shut, drains the rest of his coffee, and stands, shattering the mug to pieces as he drops it to the floor. Right before the chef's eyes, the broken porcelain vanishes into thin air.

"There," the man states. "Now, no one else has to worry about a stranger having been here."

"Who…. What _are_ you?" Sanji at last breathes out as the man turns on his heel, heading towards the porthole.

He pauses and looks over his shoulder at him. "Enjoy your breakfast, kid," he says simply, vanishing in a spiral of black light.

Sanji falls backwards onto his ass, staring in shock at the empty space. What the bloody hell just happened? Who the fuck even _was_ that? "Wait…. Breakfast?" he says, snapping back to reality. Scrambling to his feet, Sanji rounds the corner into the kitchen proper to find a full plate of breakfast and a mug of black coffee already waiting for him on the counter.

Did that guy make this?

He knows he shouldn't, but wasting food is not an option. Swallowing past the lump in his throat, Sanji hesitantly lifts the fork, cuts into a piece of sausage, and bites into it, chewing and swallowing. His eyes expand in disbelief and amazement. It's nothing like he's ever tasted or even made in his entire life! How can the same breakfast he eats every day taste so different?

A sharp pang of guilt stabs him through the chest. That reaction was uncalled for. The guy hadn't hurt him or anyone else on the ship as far as he knows, and, instead of trying to figure out his situation, he'd flown off the handle and run him off. Maybe he does need to reconsider his attitude towards men. Sure, they're nowhere near as attractive as women, but still, they deserve to be treated with some level of politeness, right?

With a sigh, Sanji finishes his food, washes and dries the dishes, then sets to work making breakfast for the rest of the crew, preparing a double portion for the shitty swordsman. That dumbass bastard hasn't eaten a bean since they got back on the ship, and he can only imagine how much his health's deteriorated since then. The last thing Sanji needs is anyone asking what made the swordsman stop eating.

Out on the deck, he hears the rest of the crew emerging from their rooms, Luffy, as usual, immediately screaming for food before receiving a hard smack from Nami. Typical morning on the Thousand Sunny.

Well, _almost_ typical.

Sanji peers through the porthole. Once again, there's no hint of the first mate with his usual "Morning already" greeting. Dammit. If he'd known all this would happen, he would never have lost his temper like that. Even if he had stolen Robin's food, it didn't warrant that kind of reaction. Hopefully, he'll come down to eat this time, even if just to give the illusion that everything's perfectly fine.

Sanji finishes cooking, sets out everything on the table, then dries his hands on a towel and heads outside. Robin and Nami stand talking near the galley, the archaeologist giggling at something the navigator tells her about Luffy and Usopp.

Suddenly, everything is right with the world.

"Nami-swan! Robin-chwan!" he sings as he twirls over to them, "your sacred breakfast of love awaits!"

The pair turn, and Robin smiles politely. "Thank you, Sanji," she says.

Once the girls are inside the kitchen, Sanji pulls an instant 180 and barks, "Time to eat, you assholes!"

The guys scramble upstairs into the galley and take their places at the table, diving face first into their food. Sanji looks up at the crow's nest, waiting for even the slightest hint of movement, but the hatch door never opens. With an irritated snarl, the chef turns on his heel and follows them inside, shutting the door behind him. _Fine,_ he muses, _you can_ starve _for all the fuck_ I _care!_

Yeah, right. As if he'd ever allow that.

Robin watches silently as Sanji stalks past the dining room into the kitchen proper without so much as a glance in her and Nami's direction. She can practically see the guilt eating away at him. Serves that arrogant asswipe right, treating Zoro the way he has. Zoro did nothing to deserve that. She knows the swordsman doesn't want them choosing sides, but it's so difficult. If Sanji would just swallow his pride and talk to Zoro about what happened, this situation would have been over and done with forever ago. But no. Leave it to Sanji to hold a grudge against an imaginary enemy.

Chopper finishes his breakfast and hops down out of his seat, heading towards the door. "Hey, what's the super rush, little bro?" Franky questions, noticing his hurry.

"O-Oh! I just need to go check on Zoro!" the little reindeer replies.

Robin and Nami exchange a glance and a hidden smile. Time to put their plan in motion. They need to get their swordsman from Point A to Point B. Chopper's given the signal. It's time to get to work.

 **~SZSZSZSZ~**

With the girls busy distracting Sanji and the guys, Chopper plods across the deck and shimmies up the rope ladder, knocking on the hatch door. "Zoro!" he whispers loud enough for the first mate to hear him. "It's Chopper!"

"I know," comes a woman's voice in reply.

Chopper almost falls from his perch. What the hell? The doctor throws open the hatch door and jumps inside, his eyes widening to size of dinner plates at what he sees.

Sitting cross-legged on the bench is a young woman with long green hair down to her curvy hips, her long bangs rustling as she scratches her scalp. Zoro's baggy clothes just manage to cling to her body, held up by the almost outlandish proportions of her body. Her chest size is even bigger than Nami's and Robin's, and that is saying something, considering the archaeologist is already a couple sizes bigger than the navigator.

Chopper hesitantly steps inside and looks around. There's no sign of the first mate training or a swordsman-shaped lump under the blankets. Turning to the woman, he swallows and asks, "Who…. are you?"

"Hmm?" The woman opens one sleep-laden chartreuse eye, her hand pausing. "I'm Zoro."

 **~SZSZSZSZ~**

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed the updated version, everyone! I'll have the next rebooted chapter up in the next couple days! Cross my heart! Thanks, everybody!**


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